Monday, October 20, 2014

Do you want the real answer?

Over the last few months I have been asked a question many times. Too many times to count. The question is "how do you like being a mom?" Or some variation of that. 

I am not one to give a fake answer to this question or really many other questions. So when people ask I say. " I love being Rockwell's mommy but motherhood is hard!" This is followed up with a surprised look on the questioners face. And with a few, a response on how I shouldn't complain. I mean how could I complain? I wished for this for ten years right? 

You see, motherhood has been hard for me. Just because I am infertile and had to work really long to get this opportunity doesn't take the difficultness out of it. My life before mommyhood was filled with sleeping in and freedom to come and go as I choose. My extra money was spent on dates and shopping. I went out with my girlfriends and Will and I could freely plan vacations. So when our little bundle came, EVERYTHING changed. As it should. Our lives became something completely different. Is it what we wanted, yes! Does that magically make it easy to adjust after ten years of something different, no! We aren't so different from any new parent. Change isn't always easy. And when you have a newborn, things change..drastically. 

Another realness that is often shoved under the rug is postplacement depression in an adoption situation. It is actually very similar to postpartum depression.  You see, my hormones have taken me through the ringer my whole life so that is always there. And then I emotionally did the same, go through the ringer I mean.  Adoption is not easy! And then the newborn isolation happens where you are advised to stay home for a few months. Add all this together. It doesn't equal anything easy. And just because I wished for this doesn't change what it is. 

Adjusting to motherhood for the first time is hard for EVERYONE. So I don't understand how my answer is so bizarre. And I also don't understand why people ask a question but don't want the answer. 

Let me give you all the in depth answer here and put this to rest. How do I feel about being a mother? 

I love this little boy more than life itself. He is not of my body. My blood does not run through his veins. But I have come to see that does not matter even one little bit. We have bonded in a way that has changed me entirely. Has that change been easy? Heck no! Has it been worth it? Heck yes! It is worth it everytime he smiles and giggles at me. It's worth it everytime he calms to my songs. It is worth it as he cuddles up to my chest and sighs. Being his mom has stretched my heart and has stretched my endurance. I never knew I could function this well without sleep. Has it been hard to change? Yes. Has it been lonely at times? Yes. Has it been frustrating here and there? Yes. But the question shouldn't be do you love being a mother. The question should be do you love having Rockwell. The answer is a resounding yes! He has changed our lives and our family. We no longer see our future the same. It has changed everything about how we make choices. It has changed what we want. It has changed everything. Because now he is our everything. 

So if you want fake answers, ask fake people. If you think that just because you wish for something it takes the hardness out of it, you are a dreamer. And if you think I am complaining, take a step back and see that I am just like everyone else. Just because my journey to get here was different doesn't mean my experience is is going to be different. Most mothers say it is hard! And unfortunately the others are probably just being fake :) 

2 comments:

  1. This is me simultaneously standing, nodding, and slow clapping in complete and resounding respect, agreement, and support and jumping up and down in hysterics as I yell, "Heck yes!!! This!!! This is right on the money, this is what I'm talking about! SEE? It's not just me!"

    Way to go, Kelly! A-freaking-men, sister!

    Sheyann :)

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  2. Kelly, you have a beautiful way with words. I agree with everything in this post. You go girl and keep, keeping it real.

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