Over the last week or so I have been bombarded with questions about adoption and the process. For the most part, the questions have been fine and most of them I have freely answered. The one that has caught me off guard the most has been, "what is the birth mother's story?" If I can, I will answer this question for you in detail and I hope it does not offend. Just as the question askers intentions are good, so are the question answerers.
Let me first address appropriate adoption language (which really could be a post all of its own, but my advice....use the same words the person experiencing it is using). The term Birth Mother is used when a woman has placed her child for adoption. Before she places, she is an Expectant Mother. I hope that clears up the terminology as I continue.
So on to the answer to that question. What is our expectant mother's story? The long and the short of it is, I will not share it with you...and neither will Will. Why you may ask? For these two reasons:
1. It is her story. It is her story, not mine. She should be the one to choose to share it, not me. Think about this for a moment...if a person chooses an adoption plan for their child their situation is obviously not ideal. If things were ideal, I doubt she would choose an adoption plan. Think about when things are not ideal in your life. Say you went to a friend that you trusted with your feelings and plans and then that friend went and shared it with people you had never even met before. How would that feel? Our expectant mother has shared her story with us, she trusts us with it, and we will protect her and her right to privacy.
2. It is our child's story. When a child is conceived, carried, birthed, and placed this all becomes part of their story, just like you and I have a story. For instance, my mom named me Kelly because she saw the name on a poster in the elevator on her way to labor and delivery. Our child will have us AND he will have her as a part of his story. As we raise him we want to teach him to have love and respect for his birth mother. It will be important for him to hear the details of his story from us or from her. Definitely not from a friend who let it slip or a relative who thought he knew already. Just as we must protect our expectant mother, we MUST protect our son.
I hope this helps many of you as you ask questions. Please understand that we want to answer you but respect for all parties has to come first.
We love you all and are so blessed to have your support and interest in our adoption. I hope you all are open minded to learning more about the process as we learn right beside you.