Sunday, July 20, 2014

Immense Joy and Unimaginable Pain

The last week of our lives has been a whirlwind. It has been 100% life changing. It has been a roller coaster with its ups and downs. It has been filled with immense joy and unimaginable pain. 

As you all know, we were matched with our birth mother on July 2nd. She was 35 weeks along so we thought we had some time to prepare. boy were we wrong! We spoke with our birth mom last Tuesday and scheduled the delivery because her doctors wanted to induce labor. We scheduled July 28th. Wednesday, the next morning, she called at 6:30 am and said she was in labor. She lives about five hours from us. I was shocked and a bit scared. But this was happening now so I packed a bag and got my husband home from work and off we went. 

The rest of the week was filled with many events, many ups and downs. There were very special moments like watching our baby cry for the first time and holding him skin to skin. Then there were difficult moments like the night before placement and watching our birth mom struggle. 

Adoption is so powerful. No one can really understand it until they do it. It's scary, it's draining, it fulfilling, it's beautiful. It's joy and pain wrapped into one event. In the beginning I needed so much reassurance from her and now she needs it from me. I was amazing by her strength, in delivery and then after. She did something I could not. She brought this beautiful boy into both our lives. 

The very last time she came to see him, her and I stayed in the room alone as others left. We prayer over our son. That he would always know how much we both love him. 

And now I am coming out the other side, holding my baby and feeling so complete. And it is all because of her, his selfless beautiful birth mom. Who I can't help but love no matter what. Because she gave me him. But I see my joy is her pain. I hate how unfair life can be. But I know that she will be taken care of by a loving Heavenly Father. He has always taken care of me and every night I pray that he can carry her through the coming months and years.

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